Someone is looking over us

Blastocyst Brian (3+4)


I lost Sparty on January 20th, I won’t go into any detail here as it’s too painful, suffice to say that my next period started exactly 28 days later on Feb 20th, During this first cycle we had a lovely holiday to Gran Canaria to relax and start to get ‘me’ back again.  Someone was watching over us I think as it was here that Loppy was conceived, on our first month of trying! (Our hotel was called Lopesan Baobab- hence Loppy)


The week before my period was due (my first week back at work) I got a few period pains, I thought they were really quite similar to the cramps that I had before I found out I was pregnant last time, but to be honest, I put this down to wishful thinking as it was so long ago that I last had a proper period that I didn’t really remember what it felt like in the week before anyway.


I had some red blood at 9 days past ovulation (DPO) in the morning, which tailed to a tiny amount of brown on 10DPO (might have been implantation spotting maybe) and on 10DPO I also had quite a severe bout of diarrhoea.  This was another sign that made me think, as I’d had exactly that with Sparty, for no apparent reason (nothing I’d eaten or done, didn’t feel ill or any other symptoms)


I was planning to wait until the Saturday morning to test, being a non-work day but I caved and actually tested on Thursday at 11DPO in the evening after work.  Really stupid as I’d only held  for 90 mins so it was negative. Again,  I couldn’t wait until Saturday, so on Friday afternoon, after a 4 hour hold at work, I came home and tested.  

I started with an internet cheapy test – this time I did the test in the bathroom and left the room whilst I timed for 5 mins, usually I watch them but didn’t for some reason.  After 5 mins I could see a very faint something on the test!  - I’ve done a few of these tests in the last 10 months so I know what stark white looks like versus something on there, and with Sparty, we’d also seen a little something on the test  so I knew what to look out for.  

It was time to dig out the more expensive First Response Early Result!

I did the same and didn’t look at the test until the three mins was up – and there it was!  A Very Clear Line! I’m pregnant!!

Not satisfied with this one, I then did a digital – there is something a bit more satisfying about seeing the words ‘Pregnant’ come up on the monitor, and I wanted Tom to be 100% sure like I was (I don’t think guys ‘get’ that a line is a line, no matter how faint) – sure enough, after what seemed like way more than 5 mins – that beautiful word appeared in the window, followed by 1-2.

I rang Tom to see where he was; thankfully he was only 15 mins away, so, with difficulty, I held the news in until he got home.  He was really pleased when I told him and we had Chinese to celebrate.  I think he was mostly pleased that his sperm had been so effective!  (BOOM!) We didn’t go out this time as it had been a really long week at work (at which I’m struggling at the moment) Once again, I didn’t sleep a wink that night – too many thoughts going round and round my head.

My due date is Monday 26th November and I’m really hoping that Blastocyst Brian, Loppy, our potential rainbow baby is sticky, grows in the right way, and gets comfy in there until November.  I’d really like to take this baby home.

I’m not sure how much I’m going to mention Sparty in this blog.  I’ll just write whatever feels ok.  I know it’s ridiculous but I feel like he’s involved with this pregnancy somehow.  He’ll always be my first born baby, and never in a million years will I forget him, how much he has brought to my life and how he’s making me a stronger person and me and Tom as strong couple.    I know that a lot of the innocence has been taken away from me with this pregnancy  and that there is going to be a whole lot more worry about different things (from all our family and friends too)  but so far I’m feeling ok about it all at the moment.  I’m not feeling guilty and I know that this is a brand new egg and sperm and therefore a completely new pregnancy.   My fears at the moment are the same as any other newly pregnant girl, one of the unknown and of course the risk of miscarriage.

One day at a time and I’ll get there.  It’s going to be a long road with a few more hurdles to get through than last time but I feel like the light has come back into my eyes.


Helen and Blastocyst Brian

* Big Brother Sparty - please keep your little brother or sister safe inside your home that you left too quickly, Loppy will never replace you and will be the luckiest person alive to have their own guardian angel watching over them*