22+4

At 22+4 with Sparty it was all over by now.  I love you baby boy - you've enabled me and Tom to grow stronger and more in love.  AND you've given us a lovely, healthy Loppy.

I'm so sorry that we couldn't let you grow anymore but I know that now you'll never have to experience any pain, worry or suffering and we would never have to see any hurt in your eyes.  I hope you're happy wherever you are Sparty.

x x x

New Territory

Tuesday 17th July

21+2

We're in new territory now guys after a wonderful (and slightly emotional in good and bad ways) 21 week scan last Friday.

We saw a beautiful baby Loppy with perfect heart on the screen and the scanner lady checked most bits with ease. Loppy was in the same position as before, head to the right of my tummy, with legs out breech across my tummy.  This is clearly the position that he likes to be in.  Knees and legs came up to his tummy frequently, and at one stage his feet were even resting on the ceiling as it were (whoa, what a feeling, we're dancing on the ceiling)

Highlights for us including seeing him yawn a little 'O' shaped yawn on his little face.  Tom saw him take a drink, swallow and then watch the black liquid travel down to his tummy; she zoomed in really close to the lips and face to check for cleft palate and that was amazing to see!

She check pretty much everything pretty easily, five fingers, toes, perfect stomach, kidneys, heart, brain, size, length etc.. Then she attempted to check the spine.

This was where we ran into difficulties as Loppy's chilled out position just wasn't conducive to her doing this, so she asked us to take a walk around, have a drink and something to eat and come back in 15 mins.  I hated doing this, its what we had to do last time and its not nice.  I pretty much knew that Loppy wouldn't move as i've never seen him in a different position to this one.

So I was right and when we came back, no luck.  She then told us that we'd have to come back tomorrow and this is when I got upset.  I didn't want to wait any longer to get the all clear.  I needed to know sooner than that and I couldn't stop myself from pretty much bursting into tears - oh dear :-(

It wasn't a tactic i'd adopted to force anything, but it worked and she asked us to come back in an agonisingly long two hours.  When we returned, he'd still not moved so we did some jiggery pokery and I tossed and turned and ended up with my feet up in the air and head down - oh the dignity! Gravity worked though and Loppy slid down far enough for her to get the three measurements she needed to check for Spinabifida.

So that was it: We were done!  It wasn't quite the walking on air feeling that i'd hoped for as I left the hospital, more of a relief because of the emotion and fear that i'd felt when I thought we might not get all the answers that day.  But as the weekend progressed its just the nicest feeling to know that our take home baby is a huge step closer to us.

So this is new stuff for me now.  We said goodbye to Sparty at 22+5 so I've got a few days to go until then, but as i've mentioned before, our scan with Sparty changed everything, my baby was gone from then all really - so for me, this is all new.

Helen 

x x x 

P.S As we approach our final Sparty hurdle of 22+5 i've been thinking about him more and more, and as this new pregnancy progresses I feel sad that I couldn't have experienced it with Sparty too.  Feeling Loppy kick me and grow inside me makes me very sad that Sparty never got that chance to go any further.  I'm back to the reality again that I couldn't have ever had them both and I just have to thank my lucky stars that Loppy came along and we saved Sparty from any pain, hardship, fear or worse....  

Update Over Half Way

Tuesday 17th July 
21+2

Its been a very busy few weeks in the Elliott household and as I write this Loppy is busy wriggling in my tummy!

We had Rachael and John's wedding on Saturday so had a jam packed Friday - Sunday.  What an amazing wedding, we had such a lovely time and she looked absolutely gorgeous.  I was very proud of my sister and her new husband.  I'm going to blame the pregnancy hormones but I was a bit of an emotional wreck really, especially during the rehearsal when John got particularly choked up practicing his vows.

I wished for a little bit that I could have just not been pregnant for that weekend - it would have been lovely to have had the energy to stay up until the end and to have a cocktail and a few glasses of wine/champagne/alcohol in general! I would have loved to have worn my heels for longer and eaten the chicken liver terrine - BUT it will be a lovely time in my life to look back on and see the pictures of me when pregnant.  Its nice that Loppy features in the wedding.  I was particularly sad at some moments during the day when I thought about Sparty - he should have been there but sadly there was another plan.

The wedding also enabled me to speed up the last couple of days before my two scans this week.

Other symptoms/feelings that I've had since my last post

* Kicks/movements have increased, I feel baby every day now and they are getting stronger - Tom has felt Loppy a few times but he tends to stop kicking when we put our hands on my tummy
* Mum and Dad and Vic have heard the heartbeat with my doppler - a very special moment on the morning of the wedding.
* I'm rounder again and getting out of breath much more easily
* Appetite and food aversions are still the same, feel very full after meals and a little bit gassier (sorry!)
* Getting leg/thigh cramps at night (I think its cramp) which is annoying, Spoke to midwife about it and she said its not DVT so at least thats good
* Feeling a bit more tired again
* Much more difficult to bend down or find a comfortable sitting and sleeping position - my pillows help

Heart Scan Number 2
I was feeling pretty chilled out about the second heart scan, still nervous the night before and morning but no where near how bad I felt last time.  We went straight in to see Dr Carvalho again and before I knew it there was our darling Loppy on the screen, again quite chilled out with his arm up to his face like last time!  She said that he also had his knees right up against his chest as well (Tom said perfect ski jumping pose)

I'm still writing 'he' out of habit, truth is we don't know and I have no idea what Loppy is! - we told her that we're keeping it a secret.  Most people are totally convinced Loppy is a girl - i'm not so sure, I have no idea!

So the words on the report when we left St Georges were:

I can report that the heart appears completely normal

Yay - NORMAL - that lovely lovely word!

Our next scan is on Friday - Friday 13th - but it's lucky for me.  This for me is D Day.  Its the day that I found out about Sparty and its going to be a massive hurdle - the biggest one left, for me and Tom to get through.

I'm feeling apprehensive but confident. Bring it on!

Helen and Loppy
x x x

Sometimes....

Sometimes I miss Sparty so much it takes my breath away and I cannot breathe.
x x x